The world is pregnant
or thinking about having a baby
Nature comes in seasons, and so is our life. The first phase I experienced was the 15-year-old birthday parties, the debutants. It is very old-fashioned, but also very fun for teenagers. After all, it's the first time we feel "old" enough to be out late and have fun at a proper party.
Then comes the prime time of high school graduation parties, the first real hangovers. After that, it is the wave of university graduations; it all happens between a 3-year gap when everyone you know is graduating, and your body starts questioning if you really can handle that many parties. And then it comes the wedding time, a phase in your life where either people are getting married or engaged. The most expensive phase! Wedding presents are out of your control, and you don't want to be seen as a cheap friend. Yet, the most fun. I wish I had a wedding party every two months. The vibe, the music, the people, it's the best.
Now is the phase where I thought I still had some years to spare after the weddings: the baby boom. Everyone I know is either pregnant or trying to have a baby (or getting a divorce). And I am trying to find where I stand as a woman in the middle, happily married but still not ready for babies.
This place I find myself in is not easy. As a woman in her 30s, everyone seems to have something to say to you or a judgy look to give you when it comes to a decision or wish that only depends on you. Ironic, right? And, of course, it is the woman who takes it all (again); nobody is talking, asking, or questioning Rafa about anything. It's my body that gets malfunctioning as I age, not his - look at Robert De Niro, who got a new kid at the primetime of his 81-year-old.
(breaaaaathe in and out - We (women) don't have a minute of peace)
There's the group that keeps talking about how being a parent when you're old is a problem because, apparently, you won't have the energy to keep up with your kids, so the younger you have them, the better. This speech doesn't affect me as I exercise 5-6 times a week, always thinking about my old self and the best way to get there, so I will (hopefully) be even better.
The other group is the ones who became mothers and fathers recently and keep trying to convince you that the baby was the best thing that happened to them (which I never doubted or questioned them) and will probably be for me too. It is not the best speech to convince me when you have a deep, dark circle of sleep deprivation due to the best thing that happened in your life. For me, lack of sleep is one of the scariest things.
Some pretend to accept my choices until they ask, "But how old are you again?" when I say my age, they look at me with judgy eyes, or some say, "It is time to start thinking about it, no?" Then there are those who make me feel guilty about not having kids right now by saying my parents are getting old and it's not fair to them. Seriously? They also remind me how my body is aging, and if I don't do it now, I may never be able to have kids.
It's challenging to find myself in this in-between seasons of life. I will have kids at some point. I am not afraid of babies. And I don't believe I will ever have a time in my life where I will feel fully prepared. But there will come a time when I'll say, 'I'm not ready, but there's nothing else I want more now than this. Until then, I will continue to comfort and protect myself, not allowing the world to drive me crazy or make me feel repulsive.
Being a woman is about waking up every day, looking in the mirror, and reassuring yourself that everything will be okay despite everyone's opinions or suggestions about what you should be doing. I never expected this phase of my life to be so challenging when it comes to other people's views about whether I should be pregnant right now. Even people I'm not close with tend to have strong opinions about it and don't hesitate to share them.
Interfering in other people's lives is always easier and more fun than facing your own challenges. Of course I do this too, but if there's one thing I've trained myself is to never question my friends about their choices regarding their own bodies, such as whether they want to be mothers, how many babies they want to have, or any type of cosmetic intervention, no matter how small or large. After all, that's not my place to give my opinion. Every woman needs to have more freedom to be and just be whatever they want without feeling pressured to fit in.
Stop asking me when I will have kids.
Ask me how I am instead.
Change the question from "When are you getting pregnant? You are getting old." to "Do you think about having kids?"
Less judgmental, more welcoming.
🟠 #INTERNETFINDS: weekly things worth sharing and consuming 🧠
The Substance is gory – but the real body horror is that 70% of women dislike the size of their breasts ➞ Self-image, bodily autonomy – and our worrying obsession with cosmetic surgery.
Dolly Alderton: rules for life ➞ Long walks, adult sleepovers and avoiding takeaways: her list is absolutely accurate and delightful.
Favorite Podcast of The Week ➞ Melinda Gates sits down with Jay Shetty: Why Your Perfectionism Has Been Draining You & Reasons You Should Spend Time Alone in Silence Today.
Video of The Week ➞ Asics commercial “The Desk Break” is a simple yet powerful reminder that our bodies and minds are deeply connected, and a little movement goes a long way! 👏
Leon Bridges - Texas Sun ➞ on repeat this week - You say you like the wind blowing through your hair. Come on, roll with me 'til the sun goes down..
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. - Oprah Winfrey.
